I Ran Toward Death

I ran toward death today.
I believed that my friends and maybe I were going to die in some unpleasant way.
I was ready for the battle, both to kill and to die.
I don’t understand why,
But I ran anyway.
Straight forward not away.
Then we found out it was a false alarm.
There had been no harm.
But I’m still here at 100%.
And that I resent.
Because I can’t calm down.
I can’t come down.
I feel pressure in my chest.
And the sweat builds in my vest.
And I still have the might,
Given to me by fight or flight.
I’m like an explosion that just didn’t happen.

~IV

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Bad Days…

Bad days come and go.
You don’t always reap what you sew.
Sometimes life is hard,
And you don’t get dealt the winning card.
As my mother said “that’s life.”
It’s going to be filled with strife.
You simply soldier on.
Tomorrow there will be a new dawn.
It will bring its own forms of pain.
But maybe a chance to gain,
Something you didn’t have before.
You might even get something more.

~IV

Me: things I like and don’t

I hate my pride,
And the way I’m never satisfied.
I love my drive to work and make,
Even if it’s just for motion’s sake.
I hate my reluctance to make a stand,
Even when the embers of my anger are fanned.
I respect my lack of complaints,
Though it doesn’t put me with the saints.
There are many sides to me,
Some I love, others a don’t want to see.
I have good traits and bad,
Some are happy, some are sad.
I try to maintain self respect,
Though I know I’ll never be perfect.

~IV

I see lots of things

I see things.

I’ve seen children of means doing demeaning things.
And sons of poverty who spread their wings.

I’ve seen grown men beg for life,
And children throw it away to avoid a little strife.

I’ve seen grandiose homes with filth and grime,
And homeless camps that pristinely shine.

I have seen some men tell the truth.
I’ve seen more lie despite the proof.

I’ve seen sorrow and courage,
Calm and rage.

I’ve seen precious little contentment and plenty of resentment.

I’ve heard women scream as I stand at their door,
Because I’ve come to tell them they aren’t mothers anymore.

I’ve seen bad men get their due,
And self righteous ones who have no clue.

I’ve seen lots of things as a police man.
Some things others never can.

A Prayer

Dear Lord, I am lost.
I do not care the cost.
Please break and mold me.
And give me the strength to be,
The sort of man you’d want.
I hear satan cry his taught,
“You’ll never be a good man,
And you’ll be blown like dust before a fan.”
Dear Lord teach me strength,
And show me the length,
And breadth of your love.
That I might fit your plans as a glove,
Fits the master’s hand.
In your plan so grand,
Show me what you would have me do.
This I ask and for the courage too,
To do what it is you say, even when I fear,
Or when my rebellious nature sheds a tear.
Make me your man no matter what.
To all else please cause my heart to shut.
Make me as you’d have me be,
And let your love shine bright through me.

~ IV

Chelsea an Elegy

A pretty face across the room,
This is what you were to me.
Then you went and met your doom.
Now my wish to know you can never be.

I only met you once,
Didn’t even catch your name.
I’d been trying to speak to you for months,
Now I’ll never get too, such a shame.

I hope within you shined a light,
That will deliver you from the fiery lake.
If not I don’t envy your plight,
And I hope it’s at the feet of our maker you wake.

Thanks for the reminder of mortality,
That on tomorrow we cannot depend,
And that one should always look to their morality.
Goodbye, sincerely, your unknown friend.

She was a girl I met at school. I had wanted to get to know her. One Friday I finally gained the courage to speak to her. The following Monday we were told she had died in a car crash over the weekend. This is my tribute for what it’s worth. She was 19.

~IV

Your Little Bell

Smoothly came the tingle of a little bell,
sweetly ringing in my ear.
As the sounds upon my senses fell,
I realized them to be the tones I hold so dear.
The sound made me think of a joyous dance,
Performed neath sparkling rays of Sun.
The notes did twirl and prance,
Till the melody was done.
Then I smiled with a contented soul,
To have once more heard your little bell tole.

She had a unique laugh. It was high but not squeaky, instead it rang like a bell. I loved to hear her laugh.

~IV